Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Finding peace. . .

It seems to me that my legs should be all powerful at this time of year.  I've learned to not have my last race in October,  whereby my training then goes kaput just in time for the holiday(s) feasting.  This year I've learned that sometimes, you can't train all the time and take what you can, when you can, when it comes to living life. .  . 

However, this year, November and December have just gone by in a blur--so much more so than usual.  Weekends dashing (is a five hour drive ever dashing??) home to see my parents, see my mom with her limited time left with us, and trying to stay healthy in order to maintain the body.  I think my training was pretty on course through the beginning of Thanksgiving week and then it just fell apart.  Since then I've been trying to get sleep, trying to get enough to function and train when I can.  I got a run in Thanksgiving Saturday (when we did the holiday at my parents' place) and some during that next week. Two of mom's sisters came to visit, along with one of my cousins and her daughter.  It was a huge family feast. . . and no matter how much you try "not to stress" you're always going to stress at the holidays  am I right?  How many people really manage to never stress over anything at the holidays. . . I'd like to meet those who can!  Really, I'd like to know their secret!   Did I mention dad acquired a thirty pound turkey. Yeah, I was freaking on that a little. . . and then just decided to de-construct the thing to bake it, in two separate roasters.  Then it was done at 9am and we just put it in two crock pots with all its juices soaking in and making it sooo good and juicy. It probably helped a lot that it was a locally raised turkey (by one of dad's sister in laws). YUM!!!

Then a run on December 1. I know that for sure. . . then I went to my sister's in her town, where we had a volunteer function to do at 'high noon' so it really split up the day.  Then we "dashed" to my parents. Visited mom in the nursing home. Oh, how dad was trying to tell us on the phone, but he just couldn't say the words that would make what we saw so real.  if only. . . the two words whispered throughout the world probably more often than anything other, including, i love you. . . if only we had known what daddy was trying to say when he called us.  If only my sisters and I knew he had all called us within twenty minutes of each other on Friday. . . if only. . . .I'm so glad mom's other sister came to visit her that day, December 1.  It was the last night of normal sleep I'd have for quite some time. 
The mama, April 30, 2011.
 Six days after heart surgery, four days before her massive stroke,
and she was kicking my patooty at Boggle.
You want to play the board. . Go ahead,  your three minutes start NOW!.   

5:20am, the phone rings. I get up to answer it and it disconnects. . . get back in bed, phone rings again. not good news to be had my mind tells me.  I answer one line, my sister the next. I tell dad we have the phone. . . then I go tell dad that we'll drive with him to see mom, that she has little time left. It was so foggy outside it took all three sets of eyes and our brains remembering the route to know where we were.  Fog thicker than pea soup. . . visibility only fifteen feet in most areas. Dad came to a complete stop on the road and inched the truck forward to the intersection so we'd know where to turn.   Oh, I know there were those above watching out for us that day (and my mind goes to a 4-H friend who was killed in a car accident on a foggy day like this, I think of S often, and more so on these foggy days].   

We had forty minutes or so with mom before she passed away. Her suffering from cancer,  that came out of nowhere, and a diagnosis less than three weeks before,  was at an end. Our pain of going on without her was beginning.  

A whirlwind day this day,  then driving to my sister's house in the fog late at night. I woke up at 3am, after less than three hours of sleep, and drove home.  It wasn't very foggy on my drive home.  I was able to get a doctor's appt changed to Monday instead of Tuesday. Tuesday I went for a run, longer than I had planned, but my body was so in need of an outlet. I'm sure I looked a sight to those passing by as the tears came. The next days were a whirlwind, more travel, meetings, etc. . . and nights of three or four restless hours of sleep. 

Not surprisingly, I got a cold/slight congestion of some sort and then took the running easy (read, nonexistent) and started hitting the Zinc vitamins.  Mike got bit by a dog out riding his bike Saturday (first time ever, and sadly, the dog's shots were expired by seven months), and we went to the ER when we got back home. . . at 1am, so yoga on Monday was out (at 5:30am) last week. Yoga at the end of the week felt so good and relaxing and just what I needed in a small dose.  

Sunday evening I went out for a run just before dark.  I took my headlamp and ankle reflector (from Road ID) and wasn't too scared of the darkness at it fell, the peacefulness of the evening, contemplating the universe, why things happen, letting the mind wonder here and there. . .and then the geese came swarming into the lake and the quiet was extinguished. I went to yoga yesterday morning, and thought I'd go back in the evening to make up missing four classes. Today, my body is thanking me for NOT doing that. . .the yogi pushups have my arms in a tizzy today!  Back to a run tomorrow. . . . and I wonder how I'm going to do a 17k on December 30. . . in the hills, mountains, of Cal-i-for-ni-aaaaaaaaaa

2009 the mama and me. . . we went to a baby shower, then did some road tripping to this
nature center (which was later flooded in the big one of 2011,
and then went to the big city of KC, MO for more shopping. . . the mama, she loved to road trip:-) 

In the words of my wise papa. . . travel and see the sights while you can.  

Bless all who have come before us, who have taught us so much while sharing their lives with us. No matter the length of time they were with us, we learned something from them each and every day.